“Healing your mind is not the same thing as healing your body. When you’re wounded, you often go through a progressive, linear repair. You get better, until one day, you are nearly back to where you were before. Healing your mind is completely different, because you aren’t returning to what you were before. You are gutting yourself and becoming someone entirely new.”
Don’t let someone make your past experiences seem petty to you.
They were hard for you, not for them. They were hard for you to experience, they were hard for you to overcome. It shaped you to who you are now, the beautiful you that attracted others in the first place.
If a person that loves you makes you feel as such, then there is no reason to keep on fighting anymore, to make your point known. There is no need to hurt yourself, hoping that they would understand you at the end. Because if they did once say they truly love you for who you are, it is acceptance of your past, your experiences, and you current suffering.
You are not alone in hurting. Your friends who were there, who witnessed you fighting through the difficult and heartbreaking obstacles that were thrown at you, knows it. These people, watching you try your utmost best in your new experiences, will let you experience things that may hurt you in the end, not because they want to see you suffering. They want to watch you stand your ground and be confident in yourself and not be trampled on any longer. When you fall, these people will be there to pick you up again. You only need to realise it.
The tears wouldn’t stop flowing while my friend held me, reminding me of my past, of why those around me love me, of why people think that I’m strong. I forgot all of this. The tears were no longer for the pain of losing the person that I thought was my partner, but for myself. For letting an ingrate break me down. As I shook crying in his arms, I felt him shaking too. I heard my friends around me sobbing, holding my hands tightly, telling me that their heart breaks to see me this way, telling me to stand up proudly once again and flip off people who deserves that flipping.
I love all of you. I will try my best to stand my ground, to know my worth.
xx.
And to you, my dearest ingrate, fuck you. Fuck you for convincing me, fuck you for all the words of deceit, and fuck your selfish behaviour. I’m sure you will find someone who you will love with all your heart, and be in my position to understand one day. Otherwise, well, fuck you.
